.001 Ok, wow

So I'm sitting here at one in the morning, exhausted, writing in a blog.
What the fuck am I doing?
I think I've caught insomnia, or something, because I just can't seem to fall asleep. But I'm soo fucking tired. It really doesn't make any sense & has me quite confused. And annoyed.
So basically, I stay up until I'm so exhausted that I almost just pass out. I get up at six thirty in the morning, barely able to function, shift through school all day, then take a nap. From two 'til about 7.30 when they wake me up for dinner. OF COURSE, I can't fall back asleep! But ... if I don't take a nap, I'll fall asleep while sitting at dinner. No joke.

I have no idea what's wrong.
& now I'm just rambling.


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I decided to start this blog today mostly because I'm bored, but partly because I wanted an outlet where I could say anything and everything without having to censor myself. I know, I know, MySpace & LiveJournal are the same thing! But ... they're not really, see, because my friends read those. I pride myself on being as-blunt-as-possible, but there are things I just can't tell some of them. So they get stuck in my head & just make everything worse.

Here's the problem. I have problems. I've been diagnosed with clinical depression. If I'm alone for too long, I get really depressed. I get suicidal over nothing. I have ADHD which causes me to forget, literally, everything. It's incredibly scary. Like most teenagers, I have no idea who I am or where I fit in this wonderful world of ours. While most kids embrace this, it gives me panic attacks. What do I have to complain about? I'm a seventeen year-old kid. I'm a senior in high school in a pretty good school with really great friends, my own car, no bills, etc etc. Which is exactly why I can't post this sort of stuff in my LiveJournal. 'Cos, while I love my friends, they really just don't understand. Not in that 'OMGIHATEMYLIFE' sort of way ... But, they just don't. They'd get on to me for complaining when 'well, look what's good in your life...' which really isn't what I want to here. You'd think that would make them bad friends, but it doesn't. It's complicated.

Long story short .... be prepared to follow my confusing road through adolesence. Uncensored, for my own benefit.