.006 So as it turns out

I haven't been in school for going on two weeks now.
Everytime I think about going, I get a total panic attack. Anxiety & the whole deal. I really don't know what's wrong with me. It's just school! But I don't want to go. I don't want prom, or to graduate. I don't want any of it! I want to sit around all day & watch Oz. Productive, I know. I want a job to replace the car, but I don't want to sit behind a desk for the rest of my life. HOW BORING.

I was watching Oz last night [OMG, HOW SURPRISING!] & the narrator was talking about the millenium. Do I really want to make an impact that'll have people remembering me for the next 1000 years? Not really. I just want to be noticed. So I'll keep my hair hot pink & the number of piercings ever growing. Why not? I can't do it forever.

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So that boy who thinks I'm amazing?
After much confusion & personal debate ... I've finally decided that's what I want.
I had a run-in with my ex. I crashed my fxcking car & I think that the near-death experience totally made me question things. It's funny ... I always heard you'd see your life FLASH before your eyes ... you know? I didn't. I still can't remember half my life unless I'm drunk or high, & only then do the memories [good, bad, or otherwise] of childhood come flooding back. All it did was confuse me, make me realize I don't wanna lose Matt. & I don't, but I just wanna be his friend.
Anyways ... even though Kyle's moving to FL, I really wanna be with him. I don't know if anything will come of it, but who knows. We're just so great together. He makes me happy, really.